Lockdown Preface: Draft 8/19/18

in progress

I am 64 years old and have lived with mental illness for 52 years. I informed all my employers of my illness during initial interviews. Unlike now, it did not make a difference. A third of my working life was spent as a caregiver. I developed a professional reputation for managing toddlers that resulted in my being recruited for training as a Montessori teacher.

I never had legal problems associated with my illness and was only hospitalized once (voluntarily.) Mental Illness: Lockdown (Lockdown) begins near the middle of my story and covers a broad range of topics. These topics include-

  1. Descriptions of events just before, during and after my voluntary committment
  2. My Experience with Therapy
  3. My Childhood Symptoms
  4. Recreational Drugs and a Psychotic break
  5. Pre-psychiatric Care
  6. Psychiatric Care in the Public Healthcare System
  7. Borderline Personality Disorder Misdiagnosis
  8. Returning to Reality after 14 Years of Being Ill
  9. Sex and Trauma
  10. Relationships
  11. Religious Experience
  12. Love
  13. Private Care

The impetus for Lockdown was my disappointment with both the book and film Girl Interrupted. I differ from the protagonist of Girl Interrupted in that my primary diagnosis was initially Bipolar Disorder Type 1. This diagnosis evolved into Schizoaffective Disorder: Bipolar Type. Like the protagonist of Girl Interrupted I had a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) for a period of time. Lockdown examines BPD in much greater detail than Girl Interrupted.

I have tried to be as frank, honest and descriptive as possible. This may trigger some individuals. My writing style evolves as my condition improves.

John Eugene Panic










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